Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
