Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
