i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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