is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh god it's open bar.
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