Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
