Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will be naked everywhere
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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