i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
