I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
