Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
