oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
