his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
