I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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