Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
