the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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