I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
