Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
