apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
