Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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