i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
