my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the day after is always just damage control
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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