Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
