toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
