You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
