i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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