Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
