The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
