Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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