We're like a lot better than the average bears
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
