I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
