i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
