Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
