If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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