i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
