who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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