I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
