The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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