But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
