good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it because I queefed?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
