You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
