But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
