I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
