It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
