That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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