apparently the secret to your success is patron
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
be right there i have to get my cape
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
