We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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