Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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