the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
