I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
