I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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