just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
