Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
